Guilt, Shame, and Regret…

Hey Yall!

I want to talk to you guys about guilt, shame, and regret. All three of these fall into the same category if you ask me. I want to start this out by defining the terms I mentioned. All of the following definitions will come from Google.

Guilt is defined as a feeling of having done wrong or failed in an obligation.

Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.

Regret is a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.

I want to talk about these three because I truly view them as wasted and useless emotions. Now, I don’t say that to be careless with your feelings or circumstances. I say that because, for one I believe it to be a true statement, but beyond that, most situations or circumstances that result in those feelings, can be changed, or remedied making the emotion null and void.

I understand the previous statement was a gross oversimplification of life and therefore the emotions life produces, but it still remains true. Even though I feel this way, doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle with this subject matter in different areas of my life. One of my biggest regrets is how I parented my daughter prior to me being healed and whole. I still face the ramifications of that time in my life.

And even though I regret it, God is gracious, and he has protected her and kept her. So thankfully, the things I probably could be facing, I'm not facing so I thank God for His hand over her life. Even with that being said, there are still some areas in which I must address, reteach and plant new seeds. We reap what we sow and when faced with those things you planted; it can be trying, frustrating and heartbreaking. However, I heard a saying that I’ve adapted, and it changed my perspective on past choices. It said,

“You cannot judge yesterday's choices by today's understanding.”

That saying, along with another one, “hindsight is always 2020”, is essentially saying the same thing. We only know better now because we went through those things then. If we didn't go through the things we went through, we wouldn't have obtained the knowledge, wisdom, and understanding that we have today. So, it's hard to feel a way about how things happen because it’s a part of your journey to a wiser you

We all can experience a different level of regret, depending on the situation, the timeframe, and our state of mind. Regret can be very heartbreaking and weight on you, draining you and tiring you out. Regret can make you feel ashamed, and spiral into all types of different emotions. Those emotions left unchecked can infect and affect every area of your life. When you allow that to happen, it stops you from gaining the clarity, and understanding you need in order to make those better choices and plant better seeds.

I believe it’s healthy and even encouraged others to feel what you need to feel especially when we believe we’ve messed up. We do things out of order and without understanding. We do things we wish could do differently. Yes, feel that! It's okay to feel that. It's not okay to live there. It's not okay to allow that moment to take over our identity. A lot of people have been stuck in that moment of regret, shame, and guilt; it is not the way to go.

I previously said regret is a useless emotion but that’s not to say we don't take accountability for our actions. We must take accountability and it's okay to be upset by how we handled something. However, when we decide we're going to live in that space of regret, instead of learning from it, we enter a dangerous space. When we learn from our past, we acknowledge what we did and what we could have done differently. We then decide to implement those changes. We will still have to address the consequences of those previous choices, remember the “reap what you sow scripture” and tie in Romans 8:26 “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

All the bad seeds are going to come up, as well as all the good seeds. Most times we can see the manifestation of the bad seeds immediately, but don’t allow your faith to be distorted or discouraged. The principle works both ways, it’s not skewed against us. Know that every good seed you plant will sprout and come forth. All those seeds will work together for your good and God’s glory. Again, the wisdom, knowledge, and understanding came at the expense of some of those so-called “bad choices”. It is well. It is okay.  

We must recognize regret, shame, guilt has no place in the mind and life of the forward-thinking believer. It has no place in the correction, growth or in your life whatsoever. Release the regret, the shame, the guilt.

How do we do that? By leaning fully into God.

When we make a move that we later regret, instead of running and hiding from God, run to Him. Confess your wrong, Be as honest and as naked and as vulnerable with God as you possibly can. Ask for forgiveness and stop doing that act. Ask for God’s strength, strategy, understanding, and wisdom so that you can start making better choices. God loves you and wants to purify you. Trust in that truth and don’t hide from your Creator. The Bible says as sin abounds, grace abounds that much more. His grace will cover you. Allow Him to do what He does. Release the guilt, shame, and regret that’s trying to rule your life. It’s not of God. Be free!

Yall be blessed and be a blessing to others. Love yall!