Devastation in Belief

Hey Yall!

Have you ever been devastated in the midst of your belief?

By “belief” I'm talking about your belief system. Have you ever been devastated, disappointed, upset, or hurt in your walk?

I want to share a bit of my story to see if you can identify with some aspects.

My walk looked like this. Throughout my childhood, I never really went to church. I would go with my dad on the weekends that we were with him, and that was about it. As a teenager, I started leaning more towards wanting an understanding of my creator. So, I started reading the Bible and once I got a car I would go to church all the time. I was water baptized at 21.  However, throughout my 20s, and even some of my 30s. (I'm only 32) I had this yoyo type of relationship with God. I would be close to God then distant. This distance from God would always come from some type of devastation or letdown, for which I would blame God.

 There was a moment last year. I was doing great at the beginning of the year. I was doing everything I knew to do to live for God. I did a 21-day fast, no food, only water. I would drink juice every three days. Did that for 21 days, and even in the midst of my fast, I was not feeling it! I was not feeling it at all. By “it” I mean the knowledge of the Holy Spirit surrounding me. I felt I was doing it in vain. It wasn't until I got the testimony of other people around me that my sacrifice meant something to them, and it encouraged them that I was able to say “Well, praise God!”. So, that's how I kicked off the year 2020.

I had a morning routine. I would listen to a sermon in the morning, take notes, I would make sure that I was always ministering to different people, doing everything I knew to do then the month of August hit. I went through a situation that resulted in great hurt. I experienced a hurt so bad that my shoulders, my back, my head, and my whole body ached. There are spirits that affect your body in a very physical body way. My spirit was so hurt. And I remember feeling so devastated and so angry with God, that allowed this hurt to occur which made me angry. From August 2020 to February 2021 my walk was not right in the sight of the Lord due to this hurt.

 So, when I talk about devastation in your belief. What does it take to rock you? I ask this because when you consider how great something was and how devastated you are in return, wasn't even really that great? I thought my situation was so great, so grand of a hurt; I think back and ask myself “why though?” “Why allow this insignificant situation to rock your foundation like that?”

Like when I think about who I am and the calling on my life, I do a comparison and realize there was no need for the distance. To make a permanent decision based on temporary circumstances is foolish at best.

The walk of a Christian is going to take everything.

The price Jesus paid for me to give Him my life in exchange is still not enough to repay the debt He paid on the cross. The Bible says to reign with me is to suffer with me. What is your suffering tolerance? I found out during that time of my life, my tolerance wasn’t that high, that’s not something that I'm proud of, but it’s the truth. I wanted my tolerance to be like “for Him, I live for Him I die, period! Would I proclaim Christ with my life on the line? It’s important to consider those questions when faced with perceived devastations occurring in your life. I'm very thankful for those questions in that period of time mentioned before. I was in a whole daze and stupor. My loved ones would tell me how heavy I felt to them. I didn’t want to accept that any longer. I didn’t want to be heavy. I wanted to be light, bright, and carefree.

So, what are you willing to pay?

In your devastation, when you really take into account everything you’d be sacrificing, is it really that devastating? We must put these things on to a whole different scale. The scale is God’s glory. God's glory is the measuring stick by which we compare our sufferings. What does yours measure up to?

Nevertheless, be encouraged because even if you take a detour, which I hope you don't because that comes with its own trials and tribulations, but even if you do, don't stay there too long. It's not worth it. The so-called suffering that you are doing to yourself in an attempt to feel better or because you’re mad at God is not worth it. You’re only hurting yourself.